I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.– Augusten Burroughs (via an-orderly-chaos)
haikuuu: we’re all dying in 2 months and i’m gonna die a virgin who can’t drive
homofobic: recent studies show i hate everything
conversatanparade: the scariest thing about being an adult is looking at a 20 dollar bill and realizing that holy shit i could just buy an entire cake for myself and eat it and nO ONE COULD STOP ME?? IT DOESN’T EVEN HAVE TO BE MY BIRTHDAY JESUS CHRIST
Aristotle: We are what we repeatedly do.
Plato: Well then I guess I'm YOUR MOM
Plato: *high fives Socrates*
onlinepolice: you must be muslim because your body ISLAMIN
sir-nerdalot: My whole life in a gif:
christianmingle: my life goal is to trick people into thinking I’m funny until I can figure out how to trick them into thinking I’m attractive
noelanthony: My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello”. My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact and hope it goes away.
dekutree: i hate when people pour my cereal they don’t know the amount of milk i like they don’t know how much cereal i want they don’t know me they don’t know my life they don’t know what i been through
blockedhead: two japanese men walk into a bar. the first japanese man says “i am japanese!” the second japanese man says “i am also japanese!” the bartender then says “well, hey. i’m japanese too”. the bar was in japan.
f0rr357f1r3: life is like a box of chocolates; you have to spit out what you don’t like.
lnternetexplorers: how do people just have casual sex with random strangers i can’t even order pizza over the phone